11.2

“Fix me?”

“Yes, Sile. Fix you. Unfortunately, I think that’s what I’m going to have to do in this hopeless case. You just won’t believe that your stupid brother and stupid father aren’t real!”

The crazy psychiatrist turned around and walked toward a table. He grabbed something that looked like a big metal hat in one hand and something skinny in the other. He whipped around and ran at me.

“AHHHHH! What are you doing?!” I screamed.

“It’s for your own good, Sile! I NEED TO FIX YOU!”

Bill jammed the metal hat on my head and jabbed a skinny needle into my arm. Immediately, I could feel the dark liquid burn its way up my arm and through my system. Bill then turned a switch on the helmet I was wearing and the electric shocks began...

An hour later, I woke up. I was lying on a cream-colored loveseat in Dr. Muze’s office and, although I couldn’t remember how I fell asleep, all I could think about was how comfortable the couch was. I almost wanted to fall back asleep.

“Well, good morning, Sile! Have a nice nap?” A tall man laughed and sat down across from me.

“Dr... Dr. Muze?”

He laughed and said, “Bill, remember. Call me Bill. Well, that’s all the time we have for today. I’m afraid I’ll have to cancel my other appointment. I am wiped out.”

I stood up and Bill walked me out of the office.

“Thank you for coming. I think we made a big break-through today. Should I pencil you in for next week?”

“Yes. Thank you, Bill.” Still confused, I left the building and took several deep breaths. Outside the door I heard Bill telling his next patient, the man from the Castle Apartments, that he couldn’t take him. Poor man. Maybe if I hadn’t fallen asleep he would have had his appointment. I almost went back inside to apologize for taking up so much time, but decided against it.

The walk home was a blur. I kept tripping on the uneven sidewalks and forgetting which turns to take. When I finally got home, I made myself a cup of tea to try to relax and unwind.

Suddenly the door caved in! The man from the waiting room stood over the broken wood. He was sweating, like he had just been running. He strutted through the wreckage and forcefully grabbed my arm. I saw hatred in his eyes. Enough hatred to cover the fear.

Before I could scream or plead or run, he lifted a knife high above my head and shoved it into my stomach.

I felt cold. Sile! someone whispered.

He stabbed me again.

Sile! The whisper grew louder.

And again.

Sile!! Now a shout.

The dropped knife and I sank to the floor. Blood soaked my clothes, my floor, my skin. I heard Felix meowing in the other room. And still that voice calling my name.

Sile! You’re here!

Who are you? I asked.

Don’t you recognize us? We’ve been waiting for you. Two men, one young and one very very old, stood in front of me. They wore white.

You've been waiting for me?

Yes! We weren't sure when you would come.

Who are you?

Sile, it’s Arlen and Pops! Don’t you remember us?

As soon as the man said the names, my brain exploded. It felt like 1000 electric shocks ran through my head at once.  

“Ughhh...” I said.

My murderer picked up the knife and stabbed me one last time.

Sile. It’s Arlen. You brother.

He walked towards me, arms outstretched. I backed away.

I don't know who you are. I said. I've never met either of you before.


But something about the men looked vaguely familiar. Like I knew them in another life. 


Sile, please. We've waited so long. He reached towards me again and touched my arm. My head exploded again, as if the previous shock were amplified.
I... I'm sorry... I backed away again and held my head in my hands. I started to see spots. A plethora of grays and blacks blurred my vision, blocking out the two men who I somehow recognized but didn't remember.


As the dull colors swallowed the scene in front of me, the shocks went off in my head like fireworks. They were so strong I could hear them.


Stop! Stop it! My head...


Sile, release the pain. Release the pain of remembering! 


I couldn't understand what he meant. Release the pain? What did that mean? 


Accept it, Sile. Release it.


Suddenly I understood. I raised my head and let the shocks come. My head split open from the pain, releasing repressed memories and withheld regrets. The black spots grew bigger around my eyes, blocking out any distraction but my torture.


Screaming, I looked up and saw my father and my lovely brother standing in front of me, arms spread wide.


Arlen! I shouted, just as the black splotches in my eyes completely blinding my family from me. I stuck out my arms, searching for them with my arms but didn't feel them. Crying and screaming, I sank to the ground and started falling. I fell into complete blackness – until everything was gone.

11.1

The day started with a checkout and an appointment. After I woke up, the doctor came in to release me from the hospital. He asked me seemingly never-ending questions about how I was feeling and if I could feel certain touches and then told me to get dressed. He left to fill out some documents while I changed and, when he returned, he walked me out of my old room.

“Where are Arlen and my father?” I asked. “They know I’m being discharged today.”

The doctor glanced at me sideways and said, “I’m sure Dr. Muze will answer all your questions for you. Remember, your appointment is at three o’clock.”

“Yes. Thank you doctor.”

“You are welcome to stay in our waiting facilities until then.”

“Thank you doctor, I think I will,” I said. He pointed me to the lounge area and I took a seat in one of the plush brown armchairs.

Waiting for my meeting with Dr. Muze alone felt like torture. All I could think about was why Arlen and Pops hadn’t come to pick me up. Arlen heard the doctor tell me last night that I the hospital was discharging me. He had been there. I’d seen him. I held his hand.

Four and half hours later, I realized it was about time for my appointment with Dr. Muze. I asked the front desk and asked where his office was located in the building.

“Second floor, second door when you exit the elevator,” a nurse said.

Following these instructions, I rode the elevator for about 17 seconds and exited on the second floor. I found Dr. Muze’s office easily and signed in when I entered the room.

There was only one other patient in the office – a man I recognized. He lived in my apartment building. He didn’t look up from his magazine, though, and I didn’t want to disturb him.

“Sile N’Bhroin,” the psychiatrist said into the waiting room. “You’re up.” He smiled a great big, white smile and held his hand out to me.

I stood up and took his hand. The other man in the waiting room looked slightly miffed when I was called. Perhaps the doctor had double-booked us.

The next room I entered was much cozier and smelled a lot nicer than the waiting room.

“Have a sit, Sile. Make yourself comfortable.”

I sat on the end of a cream-colored loveseat. It was the most comfortable couch I’d ever sat on.

“My name is Dr. Bill Muze. But please call me Bill. Tell me a little about yourself.”

I looked at the doctor, but my mouth stayed shut.

“I understand that you had a little accident several months ago. It’s been a long recovery, hasn’t it? Would you like to start off with that?”

My eyes dropped to the floor.

“The nurses tell me that you have two frequent visitors. Your brother and your father, right? How about we talk about them for a while?”

I looked back up at the doctor and fought off a smile. “You mean, the nurses saw my family?”

“Not exactly. They said that you talk an awful lot about your family though. They seem to think that you think that your brother and father visited you in the hospital. Did they?”

“Almost everyday,” I replied.

“Right. Sile, tell me. Has anything weird ever happened when you were with them? Did anyone ever look at you strangely?”

I thought about Sister Marta, Christophe, and Spring, the runner from the forest. “I’ve gotten... a few confused glances.”

“That’s what I thought,” Bill said. “I think I’m starting to understand the problem. Tell me, is your brother here now? Your dad?”

“No, I haven’t seen them all day. I don’t know where they are.”

Bill chuckled and said, “That’s because you’re on medication. We injected a medicine called Acyngelitin into your IV last night. It’s an experimental drug for patients with Schizophrenia.”

“Schizo... Schizophrenia?”

“Yes. You were showing signs of Schizophrenia from the moment you entered the hospital – you have very severe dreams that we monitored on a brain scan.”

“You monitored me?”

“I’m afraid so. I was called into look at you as soon as you got here. A friend of yours, Mr. Moreau, told us that you might have some pre-existing mental issues,” Bill said. “Since you lacked a mental record, he thought it best to inform the clinic staff of your illness.”

“My illness?”

“Yes, Sile. After completing several tests and treating your most pressing physical ailments – you did break several bones, you know – we discovered that you, my dear, suffer from Schizophrenia.”

He paused, hoping to let that sink in.

“You see people, Sile. You see your brother Arlen and your father. You hear them. You were spending almost everyday with them before you decided to jump off that building. And now, I’m here to help you. To tell you that they don’t exist. They’re not real.”

My mouth fell open and I shook my head. “That’s... that’s... can’t be...”

“It’s true. Please believe me. It’s the first step to a recovery.”

“No! It’s not true. They... they’re real...”

“Oh, Sile. I was afraid you would say that.” Bill shook his head and pointed a finger at me. “Did you know, Sile, that I’m considered a miracle worker at this crummy clinic. The nurses worship me. The doctors refer everyone to me! I’m that good!” Bill spat in my face with that last “good.”

“But you know, when I’m faced with difficult patients like you, I have to make difficult decisions,” he said. “Do I go through years of psychiatric help just to fail with you,” Bill stood up, “or do I fix you my way.”

10

The day started in bright red flames. My whole body felt like it was on fire. Yellows, oranges, and and blues surrounded me, engulfing my arms and legs. As the flames licked up my limbs, closing in on my heart, I heard a scream from somewhere outside of me -- a shriek so deafening my eyes vibrated.

With every shake my eyes opened a little bit more until finally I woke up. The flames disappeared but their sweltering heat remained on my skin.

"Ughhh..."

"Sile! Thank god you're okay. We never though you would wake up," a familiar male voice and a familiar hand greeted me when I awoke.

"Hmmm... Ughh... Who...?" I struggled to get anything out.

"Shhhh Sile. Calm down. The doctors don't want you overexerting yourself," he said. "We're here for you though."

"Arlen?" I closed and reopened my eyes to see my brother sitting on the end of my bed. "Is that you?"

"Yes! Sile, it's me and pops." I could hear the smile in his voice. "We're both here."

"Wha... what happened? Where...?" I asked.

"Shhh Sile. Relax. You're in the hospital. You took a nasty tumble off the roof of your apartment building," Arlen said. "13 stories. It's a miracle you survived."

I looked around and saw my father sitting in a rocking chair near the door of my room. He stood up and took my hand when I looked at him. He smiled. I was still confused.

Just then a doctor in a nice white jacket came in and said, "Sile N'Bhroin?"

I glanced up.

"You've almost made a full recovery. We're discharging you tomorrow."

"Doctor... Thank you..." I said.

"Miss N'Bhroin, one last thing. A fellow patient who says he knows you requested that we sign you up for a meeting with the clinic's psychiatrist. You have a meeting with him tomorrow at 3:00," the doctor said. "You can stay here until then."

With that, the clean doctor nodded to me and backed out of the door. Arlen and my father turned their heads towards me.

Suddenly I felt the flames on my arms again and they began to reappear. I closed my eyes and met the wild fire behind my eyelids.